Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Does that one little word scare you?

Does it make you cringe as you think about all the things that this one little word conjures up?

Yesterday as we were taking the camper to have it inspected, Stephen said something to me that really made me stop and think. He told me to "Stop being so fearful. Start living".

For me, I thought I was living. I work at home--something I have always wanted to do. I homeschool our kids--something I always wanted to do. I go shopping--not as much as I want, but I do get to shop. I am living.

And yet--

I find myself not living. I find myself reverting into my little world of wife, mommy, teacher, and not wanting to leave this little world that I have created for myself. When I feel a move coming on of stepping outside of this little world, doing something I am not accustomed to doing, I begin to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the what if's, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake--FEAR in general.

I think to myself--when did I get this way? I have not always been so fearful. I mean, let's face it. I am fearful of scary movies and snakes more than anything else, but when did I become afraid of life? Even now as I write this, I am scared of writing this, because I realize that for the first time in my life, I AM FEARFUL. I am admitting to the world that I am not as confident in my life as I make myself out to be. I am not as cheerful as everyone sees.

Where did it all start? I don't even have an answer for that. I guess what started this whole thought process is because I am scared to death to drive the camper we bought. I don't want to mess it up, or make a mistake with it. I am that way about a lot of things in my life--choosing a restaurant to eat at, telling Stephen the truth about a decision I want, doting on myself--scared of making the wrong decision and making people unhappy. I guess it just comes down to the people pleaser in me.

I know all the verses in the Bible about fear, and for the most part I apply them to my life--but sometimes, I let go and allow the fear to take over. I have to learn to live and not be so fearful. It is in those fearless moments that I find enjoyment, peace, satisfaction, pride and the ability to rise above whatever is holding me back.

God has not given you a Spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind.

What about you? What is fear doing to your life?

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