I have been having a rough couple of weeks. I have been going through ENVY. I truly hate when I start going back through something that I have already been through many times before, but I know why the Lord does that. Usually when something has not completely let go of me, God will allow me to go through stages of healing in order for it to completely be removed from my life.
What brought all this on was the fact that Stephen and I have been painting this house recently. It is everything that I have ever wanted in a home--a beautiful kitchen, enough room for everyone to have their own bedroom, a swimming pool, gorgeous hardwood floors-I mean, it is absolutely gorgeous. Being in this house just makes me feel so giddy. It's in the wrong place--I would love for it to be sitting on about 4 acres of land. Anyway, every single day that I have walked in to this home to paint, I feel the envy rising up in me. It has been bad.
My house that I live in is very small. My children are squashed in on each other--yes they still share a room. There is stuff stacked in every single corner of the house, I have carpets that just refuse to stay clean, air vents that are full of dust and every time the A/C comes on, my furniture is dusty again (I have to dust like every other day otherwise by the end of the week I would have two inches of dust on my furniture), the outside looks like a jungle (I do what I can cleaning it up, but you can only do so much with a jungle), and then there is my bedroom that does not look like a bedroom at all, but a total junk room. Don't get me started on my office front door (really--it's a fireproof door made for an office. The guy that ordered it purchased the wrong one but my landlady had him hang it anyway). All of that makes me go UGH!!!
Then Hannah had to go and write this very provoking blog post on My Frontier, and I felt like God was saying She gets it. . .why can't you?
Today, as my husband and I were driving to the flea market, we had a wonderful conversation about less being more and how our lives would be so much more peaceful without all the "stuff". The house I mentioned to you earlier? I would not want my husband to have to go through what this man had to go through to get this house for his family. Do I want my own house? Absolutely! But I have decided to embrace where I am for the present time and make the most of it and relish in the fact that my family and I are together and we love being together. That, by far, is more than most families have these days.
I have decided to relinquish the Envy Monster to God and allow Him to completely transform my view on things. I am truly hoping this is the absolute last time I have to go through this.
What about you? Has God been teaching you some things recently?