Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Who I Really Am

I got a big slap in the face this week as a reminder of who I used to be. It was very hurtful and I never expected it to be.

Stephen had some family to come and visit. This lady had not seen either one of us for about 13 years. When his mom drove up with her, I could feel her giving me the "once-over". I felt very uncomfortable, but tried to do my best to remain positive.

She started talking to me, and the first thing she said to me which felt kind of hurtful was , "Oh--you used to be such a little bitty thing. Looks like you have grown, and I ain't talking about height." SLAP #1!

Yeah, I felt exactly like you are feeling while reading this. I was hurt, but I tried not to let it show. The next thing she said to me while we were sitting on the couch was, "Oh I remember you and Stephen used to fight all the time. More than that I remember how mean you were to him always telling him what he was or was not going to do. You were so loud and bound and determined everything was going to your way. Oh yes--I remember." SLAP #2!

My mother-in-law is the sweetest woman. She immediately came to my rescue and told her that I was NOTHING like that anymore and hadn't been for many years since I asked Jesus into my heart. But her words still stung. I felt the sting as if I had been slapped for real. I hurt.

Those comments bothered me really bad for days. I mean, I knew I wasn't the best wife in the world, but to have someone else point it out to me, I don't know. It just kind of hit home at how really messed up I was. I know that is who I am was. Thanks to Jesus, I am no longer like that anymore.

But you always wonder about that sort of thing. It scares me to think that I could turn back into that loud, obnoxious woman--and I want NO part of her. I have a new identity and it is found in Christ. That is the me that I am today. That is the me I want to be forever.