Thursday, May 13, 2010

What I Have Learned

God has a really sneaky way of bringing to light something that I have tried so hard to hide away the last few months.

A while back I volunteered to be a hostess for the ONE marriage conference sponsored and put on by A Woman Inspired. It was the first online conference I have ever attended, and now it will not be the last. As I sat that first day, not expecting God to slam me SO hard with some serious issues I was dealing with myself about, I felt something stirring inside of me again that I have been pressing down.

Down. . .

Down into the pit of my stomach. . .

It is that desire to write. To write and share my story with women who are hurting and want healing from their scarred past. The Bible verse from Jeremiah came to light for me over the last three days. God's word is like a fire shut up in my bones. This story that God has allowed me to live out, that He has allowed me to experience is like a fire shut up in my bones. The more I try to suppress it, the hotter it burns within me. I know that this is not going to go away until I put pen to paper and write this out and send it off.

I really don't understand why I am so afraid to share this story with the world. Why am I so afraid to put my story in the hands of those who can get it out to the world?

But I must. 

It is a fire shut up in my bones. As Jeremiah has stated in 20:9:

9 But if I say, "I will not mention him
       or speak any more in his name,"
       his word is in my heart like a fire,
       a fire shut up in my bones.
       I am weary of holding it in;
       indeed, I cannot.

I am weary of holding it in. Indeed I cannot hold it in any longer. I must arise and write and let it out.

God knew what he was doing a while back when I signed up to volunteer. He showed me "this is you". I cannot see it, but God can. He knew what it would take to fuel the fire within me. He knows how passionate I am about marriages and being renewed and restored. I have walked that path for a reason. 

Now is my time. For such a time as this. 


Farmgirl Cyn said...

Opening up and exposing ourselves can be a difficult journey. We take the scabs off of our wounds and expose our owies for all the world to see. Looking forward to what the Lord will have you share. He turns the ashes to beauty, doesn't He?

Cj Carleton said...

So excited to read your blog. Just wanted to add the slide that I shared about bringing things to light.

Getting things out into the open will begin to reduce its power over you. Hidden things have more power than those exposed.

Satan wants us to keep things hidden; therefore he tells us that no one understands and will judge us critically and reject us.

We end up fighting the battles alone. Our strength is multiplied when we join forces with those around us who love us.

Be strong, share from your heart and you will help many.

Gina Stinson said...

You go girl! Praying your heart stays in tune with His will. Excited to hear about this journey!