Monday, July 6, 2009

Selflessness or Selfishness...You Decide

Today's topic at The Well is not one I like to talk about much. The reason for that is because I see myself too clearly in today's post.

It has taken me ten years of serving the Lord to realize how selfish I can be. Let me explain. For many years, it was all about me. Everything I wanted to do, everything I wanted to eat, everywhere I wanted to go. I did not give a care about anyone or their feelings. You know the old saying, "If Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy!" Well that was me. Until Jesus changed my heart.

However, even as a Christian wife and mother, I can quickly allow myself to get back to that selfish nature within myself when I take my eyes off of Christ. I have found myself in the last few months getting upset with my husband for forgetting to pick up his cup when he is done drinking. I have found myself complaining because he did not wipe the sink off after he was finished wiping his face. And to be honest, I was not quiet about these things that were bothering me...I was very vocal about front of the children.

God showed me that what I was doing was not loving my husband but demeaning him in front of the kids. The way that I was talking to him in front of them, gave them permission to treat their father the same way. I was horrified one day when my daughter scolded her dad for leaving something laying around. I took her aside and explained to her that I was wrong in my attitude about this and that she needed to apologize to her dad, which she did.

At that moment, I asked God for forgiveness and then I went to my husband in front of the children and apologized for the way I had been speaking to him. I also apologized to the kids for allowing them to see me speaking to their dad in that way. I felt better at that moment and knew that I would do my best to never reprimand him in any way again.

As wives and as mothers, we never know what kind of signals we are sending off to our children. They watch every move we make and they imitate that to the tee. Especially the young girls. They are looking for someone who they can use as a model as they are in training themselves for when they begin to raise a family. I think of my own life and how I watched my mother treat my father for so many years. It is very sad to say that this is exactly how I treated my husband for the first few years of our marriage...exactly as I had witnessed when I was growing up.

I want my children to grow up and see how selfless love looks...not selfish love. When I pick up after my husband, I think how blessed I am to have a man who loves me and who is out working his fingers to the bone to provide for our family. I think about how blessed I am to have a man who has eyes only for me and who finds me attractive in my old tattered and torn clothes with no makeup on. Just those little things fills my heart with love and helps me to be selfless in my giving of myself instead of selfish.

If you are going through something today with your spouse and you find yourself saying, "I never get what I want", "noone ever listens to me", or "it's my life and I will do what I want," then you need to spend some time asking the Savior to give you a heart of service towards your family. Love will blossom and grow and replace the selfishness that you find yourself going through.


Traci~ Ordinary Inspirations for the everyday wife, mommy, and homemaker said...

To my new friend Jennifer,

Praise the Lord for your post- and for what God has taught you.

I know that many times (more than I want to admit) I am selfish vs. selfless. Only when I allow myself to be controlled by the Holy Spirit can I live a life a pure selfishness.

I think is is SO important that we respond in obedience (like you did) and confess our sins to our children, and then to our spouse (in front of our children)- when the need arises.

They do watch every move we make. They are like little mirrors into our own souls- many times reveling what we were too blind to see.

Keep serving the Lord and loving on your family.


Ashley said...

Thank you so much for sharing with us! This is a battle with my flesh that I have to face everyday! Thank goodness Christ is with me helping me!


Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

Hi Jennifer Thank you for the honesty in your post! I know I have struggled in this area and it is only recently I have become a little better in this area. The fellow bloggers here have helped me focus on the areas of my life which need prayer and my attitudes towards my husband is certainly one of them.

Love Collette xxx

The Desperate Cook said...

What a beautiful post hits home to a lot of us.

Samantha said...

Hi Jennifer,
What a wonderful post ! Reminds me of one of my favorite verses ~ Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6.
Blessing to you sweet friend, have a great day !

Pat said...

I stumbled upon your blog and found this post and was like wow, I just got back from a ladies retreat and they talked about this very thing and boy did it hit me in the face. Thanks for posting this. I love your blog.