Today we are going to talk about helping our husbands. As we continue this study from the Kingdom Agenda by Tony Evans, I love his definition of what helping is. He says, " To be your husband's helper is not to lose or limit yourself. On the contrary, as we shall see, it is to maximize your divinely bestowed gifts, talents, skills, and training for the betterment of the home under the leadership of your husband as well as in partnership with him."
I think that is something that most of us think of when we start talking about helping our husbands. Society today has made it look as if you are being a doormat, or a slave, if you choose to be your husband's helper. The world wants women to have the attitude that "you can do it all without a man or a husband--I am woman. . . hear me roar!" We have to look at what God says about what a helper is.
My favorite scripture that talks about what a helper is to her husband is Proverbs 31:10-31. The very first verse, An excellent wife who can find, her worth is far above jewels just sets the tone for these few verses. It is full of great scripture truths to help you and I understand fully about being a helper.
Tony says in his book, "Many women have a low-view of themselves, which makes for a weakness in their marriages. A woman who sees herself as an expensive diamond and is treated that way is going to act like an expensive diamond. A woman who considers herself costume jewelry is going to act like costume jewelry." Do you consider yourself a diamond or a piece of fake jewelry? I know for a long time I felt like I was costume jewelry. I had been used by men from high school on and I just had no self worth. This spilled over into my marriage and caused me to view Stephen like those other men. I did not want to help someone who viewed me as something to be cast aside. The problem with this was that he did not feel that way. He valued me as a diamond, but I valued myself as costume jewelry.
Another one of the verses that stick out to me is verse 12: A wife does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. If you are a Christian wife, your main agenda is to seek the good of your husband and do good for him all the days of your life. What can be considered as doing good? Tony has a few examples that I want to share with you here:
- Help him financially: Every dollar that you help earn and every dollar that you spend should be to make your home a better place to live. When we begin living a life that is for our own agenda (my money, my time, my space, my things) then the blessing of God will not rest on your life or your home. Helping our husbands financially is the best thing that we can do to he considered helpers. You can take my situation for example. I love being a stay at home mom, but when we had to close our business last year due to financial difficulties, I knew something had to be done to help him. I knew that me going to work full time was out of the question because we both felt that God called me to stay home and homeschool, but I could not, in good conscience, stand by and watch my man carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. So I continued to look and look until I found a way that I could do both. That showed him that he was important to me as well as helping him to bear the burden.
- Help him parentally: As a wife, we are to help our husbands raise our children. We are not to undermine their discipline choices even when we disagree with him, and NEVER reprimand him in front of the kids. They will lose all respect for both you and your husband and it takes a long time to get that back. . . trust me! Trust his judgement and let him parent. Don't try manipulation either to get him to discipline your way. He is the parent too and can give you a man's perspective on how things are seen from their view.
- Help him personally: We help our husbands personally when they see us taking care of ourselves. When we dress up and get pretty for everyone else, but yet sit around all day in our pajamas in our own home, with curlers in our hair and our face all a mess, that sends a signal to our husbands that they are not that important. Make your husband feel loved and wanted by making yourself desirable to him. Dress up, wear his favorite perfume, and just love him.
- Help him ministerially: Whatever ministry your husband is in...that is also your ministry. Serve alongside your husband. Tony says that "nothing will draw a couple closer together than serving the Lord together."
- Help his reputation: One of the most important things a wife does to help her husband is help him aquire a solid reputation. Verse 23 of Provers 31 says that her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. I can tell you that you can either help or hurt your husband's reputation. My husband's reputation used to be known as, "oh I know you...Your wife and I..." get the picture?? Your repuation sets the tone for your husband's reputation. You should also NEVER talk unkindly about your husband in any way. I remember listening to a woman talk once about her husband and the more she talked, the worse I felt for her husband. There was not one good thing to say about him. Can you imagine the thoughts that went on in people's minds as they passed him at church or when they saw him in public?
On a last note, if your husband has some things he needs you to do, please do not put them on the backburner. Do those first. It makes him feel special and important.
I hope you have enjoyed the two parts of this study that I have shared with you. Next week, I am going to share a little more in-depth about my own marriage struggles and how God finally brought those to light. I shared a little in my testimony but not enough that you would truly understand the depth of despair we were in.
Until then, love him sweetly, love him fiercely, and love him with the love of Christ.