For the last few days, my heart has been so burdened for the families that are being torn apart by selfishness and pride. I think of my own life just ten years ago and the selfishness and pride that was there and the price I almost paid by allowing those two things to run so rampant in my life.
I thought I would take a few weeks and share with you the thoughts that God has laid on my heart over the last few years about my role in the home. Now, I can already hear some of you saying, "Well that doesn't pertain to me because I work outside the home." I am here to tell you that whether you stay at home, work from home, or work outside the home, what the Bible says about our role as women in our home pertains to us all. I am hoping that I can open your eyes with what I share with you, along with my own painful experiences that brought to light these new insights.
When God first started dealing with me on my attitude about my role in the home, one of the first books he lead me to read is Kingdom Agenda by Dr. Tony Evans. This book is profound and each chapter deals with a portion of your life so that everywhere your whole persona can reflect that of the kingdom of Christ. Chapter 12 is labeled The Kindom Agenda of Wives. Here are a few snippets from this book that will make a huge difference.
One of the first things as women we need to learn is that the man is head of the woman (1 Cor 11:3) Now this does not mean that men are to walk all over us like door mats. Tony says that a wife is required by God to function in a role that honors her husband's leadership in order to accomplish God's kingdom agenda in the home. To rebel against this assignment is to rebel against God.
Wow! That last statement just really hits home with me. I think of how many times I rebelled when God was teaching me that I was not the head of this family. I would scream, get angry, throw fit after fit, because I felt like I was being attacked. I had always been the one who had been in charge, and for someone to come in and try to remove that right from me was just more than I could take.
I remember one of the fights that Stephen and I had. I had spent money that I was not supposed to and he confronted me about it. He had asked me not to spend it, but because I was my own woman, I was going to do what I wanted when I wanted. I was fixing my hair and he approached me. I was in the bedroom and had nowhere to run and get away from him (which is what I always done when he confronted me--I would just leave the room and ignore what he was saying). I was acting almost like a deer who was cornered. I had my hairbrush in my hand. The more he pushed, the more intense my anger became until finally my hairbrush flew from my hand and was aimed at his head. I remember standing there thinking, what in the world did I just do?
Realizing that our husbands are put in that role for a reason is so liberating! Tony tells us in this chapter There are alot of men who have great difficulty fulfilling God's kingdom calling in their marriage because their wives aren't fulfilling the other half of the agenda. Am I really keeping my husband from fulfilling his agenda? The answer to that is YES! If you are hindering his ability to lead the home, you are stepping into his role and leaving your own.
Tony also said this and I thought this was pretty true: Many women have taken their definition of a wife's role from Another World, Days of Our Lives, General Hospital, and As The World Turns, or the feminist movemement rather than God's word. Where do you get your definition? Mine for a long time came from what I saw when I was a child. My mother used to talk to my dad in a hateful tone. She was the one in charge and it kind of made him passive in alot of ways. This same attitude carried over into my marriage for many years until God showed me the error of my ways.
Ephesians 5:21 helped me to really see what the real purpose behind all of this was:
Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. I don't do this for myself or my husband. I do it because I love Christ. Out of my love for Him will flow the right attitude towards my husband and his role in the home, as well as my role in our home. I have always said that you can tell a woman who serves the Lord wholeheartedly by how she treats her husband. If she is hateful to him and tries to run everything, then you can pretty much bank on her treating God the same way.
Ephesians 5:22-24 finish up what God was trying to say about how we treat our husbands:
Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Don't miss that last word. It is very, very important!
So I ask you today from this study, are you submitting to Christ? If you are, then you should have no problem letting your husband lead your home. If you have problems allowing him to do so, then I would really check your submission to Christ. Ask Him if you are submitting. God will show you exactly where you need His guidance.
Next week, we are going to look at helping your husband. I pray that today, you would go to your man, ask his forgiveness, and start allowing him to be the man of the house. You will find yourself less burdened and free to be the lady of the home, the one that God created you to be!